Birthday Thoughts

Should I celebrate myself?

Hey, everybody.

First off, I am so terribly sorry that I haven’t written any proper long form post in two and a half months (give or take). The weekly rhythm that I had established before Easter got disrupted badly by Easter itself, and I just never really got back on the wagon.

I’ve kept up on Link’s Links, at least, and I’m hoping to get back into a better swing of things soon. I’ll be sure to keep you updated as a matter of course; I’ve got a couple of pieces in the works, and I’m not planning on dropping Link’s Links anytime soon.

Second off, today is my birthday.

I googled ‘party’ and this was the first image result.

I have a weird relationship with birthdays—this is the first one I’m actually celebrating in the last few years, thanks to my girlfriend’s urging—and I mused a little on that this past January, on the occasion of my sister’s birthday (if you want to read that, you can check it out here:)

Happy Birthday, Alison

Mostly, my thoughts on birthdays boil down to: celebrating someone’s birthday is a means of expressing that it is good for them to exist, and that I’m not sure how to accept that sentiment from others.

I mean, I know I exist. And I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing (for me, if for no one else; I certainly prefer existing to non-existing).

But how can I accept that other people also think it’s good that I exist? Isn’t that pride?

(No, Jason, you’re overthinking it; just say thank you and move on.)

Well, there’s your glimpse into my thought process.

Anywho, that’s not really where I want to go today. Instead, I’d like to think about the concept of Providence.

Bear with me.

The Month of the Sacred Heart

If you’re on Substack Notes, you may have seen that I’ve been posting one Note per day through the month of June, featuring a line from the Litany of the Sacred Heart (as it appears in the Laudate app) and a brief reflection (anywhere from six words to a full paragraph). That’s because June, in the Catholic Church, is the month of the Sacred Heart, and has been for almost a hundred and thirty years. I have a great devotion to the Sacred Heart myself (a little bit by accident, but that’s a story for another time) and I’ve always liked the thought that my birthday falls within the month of the Sacred Heart.

I’d never done the Litany like this before, though, taking one petition each day. So I was curious to see where we would end up on my birthday, and lo and behold:

Heart of Jesus, made obedient unto death, have mercy on us.

I’ll be honest with you, I laughed when I read that.

See, obedience isn’t really my strongest virtue; in fact, you might say I’ve had some very particular struggles with obedience, and I’m still working through them. So how appropriate it is that this line falls on my birthday! God must be speaking to me.

But, is he really?

How important am I?

Is it reasonable for me to say that the twenty-fifth petition of the Litany of the Sacred Heart is what it is because of me? That God ordained things to play out just so I could read what I needed to read today, some centuries after the Litany was written?

I would hate to presume.

But on the other hand, is God not all-powerful? Is he unable to ordain things so that the twenty-fifth line of the Litany is exactly what I needed to read on this birthday in 2024? Is it even possible?

Of course it is.

Do not presume; do not despair

There is a line attributed to Saint Augustine (though like so many others, it probably came from someone else) that goes something like this:

When Jesus was Crucified, there were two thieves with him; and one was saved, indicating that we should never despair, even to the end; but the other was not, indicating that we should never presume, even at the end.

(Aside: The beauty of lines that are just ‘attributed’ and not actually attested is that I can quote them from memory and organize them how I see fit. It’s wonderful.)

This is the ultimate balance of the Christian life:

Do not presume—because you are not that important. You are not God; you are not the center of everything.

Do not despair—because you are beloved, by the Creator himself, who died on the Cross for you.

It’s a hard balance to strike, sometimes.

Is he talking to me?

So which is it? Is God talking directly to me in today’s line from the Litany? Or is this all just a coincidence that I’m reading too far into?

I think it has to be a balance. Is God speaking directly to me? Of course he is; he loves me with an everlasting, infinite love, after all. But is he speaking only to me? Of course not; for I am just as a grass that grows and withers (cf. Ps. 103).

It’s in keeping those two truths in tandem that I am able to receive the love of God on this, the day of my birth, without becoming overproud at the same time. It’s taken me a long time to reach a point where I’m able to recognize that; but he’s walked this whole way with me, and I don’t think he’s going anywhere soon.

Happy Birthday, to me

I’m glad I exist, and I’m glad that some of you think so too. But most of all, I’m glad I exist because it means that God loves me, and that he’s walking with me. So here’s to a year down, and here’s to all the rest spent in his love.

Heart of Jesus, made obedient unto death, have mercy on us—have mercy on me.

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